


young kids, old love

by retts



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2k17 craft, Fluff, House Hunting, Is It Romance?, M/M, a day in the life, are dan and phil even trying to hide it anymore?, danny!, oh my GOD did they did they just come out??, oh my god they got a house and dog, philly!, they are so married called it!, they invented love, was that...was that a love bite on phil's neck?, who's watching this in december?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 06:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10211645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/retts/pseuds/retts
Summary: A Day in the Life of Dan and Phil with Houses, Dogs, and Closets???Thumbnail:'This is a compromising situation,' said Dan.Phil giggled behind his hand.Or, alternatively:They were stood in front of a large, rectangular mirror in a hallway. Dan held the camera and he nudged Phil with his shoulder. 'Say hi to future us, Phil.'Phil crossed his eyes and then laughed, breathy. 'Wotcher, future Dan and Phil, I hope you haven't killed yourselves in the new house yet.''Yet? Are you expecting future us to eventually die in our new house? And please never say wotcher ever again unless you plan on dyeing your hair pink.'Phil shrugged. 'So many things can go wrong in an alien environment, Dan. We might not even survive the move.'Dan pointed the camera at his own face long enough to say, 'There you have it, guys: if you don't hear from us a day after we move in, just think that we got in a horrible accident and are dead.''So, so dead. Please take care of my house plants, Louise!'





	

**Author's Note:**

> Well, hello. Haha. Oh God? I was actually in the middle of writing a DnP-John Wick fusion thing when a line struck me as something that Dan might say in a DILF video and funny story, 3k words (SO MUCH FUCKING DIALOGUE UGH) later I don't remember which line it is. Also, isn't it a must to write a DILF fic in this fandom? Anyway, after swearing to myself I wouldn't fall into this trap, here I am, one month old and very much caught in the jaws of phan. Hopefully, this isn't an utter disaster. Let's call any inaccuracies as artistic license even though it's because I am an infant in this fandom. 
> 
> Title is taken from Otis English's brilliant song of the same name. You should give it a listen! 
> 
> Funnier story, I mostly wrote this in one sitting whilst listening to - 
> 
> 1\. Young Kids, Old Love by Otis English  
> 2\. The Crane Wife 3 by The Decemberists  
> 3\. The First Five Times by Stars  
> 4\. This Modern Love by Bloc Party  
> 5\. 10,000 Nights by Alphabeat  
> 6\. Somehow by Tom Odell  
> 7\. Your Face by The Lake Poets  
> 8\. How Would You Feel (Paean) by Ed Sheeran
> 
> \- so I guess that's the most random soundtrack ever. 
> 
> Also, I haven't written rps in AGES but the rule stays the same: please don't tell the people involved about this story, kthnx.

_time lost, time lost_

_when i'm with you_

_the world stops_

_young kids with a old love_

 

 

'Ugh, morning, _no_. Someone should make this illegal.' The camera shook in Phil's hand as he let out a massive yawn. 'Anyway, good morning, guys, did you have sweet dreams? I did! I dreamt I was petting a unicorn, for some reason, and every time my hand touched the unicorn a puppy was born.' Phil laughed softly, rubbing his eyes with his other hand. He reached for his glasses on the bedside table and slid them on. 'I don't even know why or how my brain thought that up.'

From somewhere off camera, Dan shouted, 'Stop dog-baiting 2k17.'

'I'm not because we're actually getting a dog!'

Dan's face appeared into view, tired-eyed but grinning. 'And a new house together, it's so exciting! Have we broken the internet yet?' He glanced at Phil and then back at the camera.

Phil sat up and scooted sideways, giving Dan a bit of room to sit on. Their shoulders pressed together, one clothed and the other freckled and bare. 'Probably? This is still in the past, though, so we have a few days before you get your answer. Did you even sleep last night, Dan?'

He zoomed in until Dan's face filled up the screen. 'Around half past three, I reckon.'

'Well, that's early by your standards. I didn't -- you fell asleep on the sofa, didn't you? That's bad for your back.'

'I'm not an old man like you, Philly. Come on, get up and dressed, the day awaits us!'

 

 

The cupboard door was opened and Dan said, 'Look at this cupboard of shame.' He tutted, panning the camera left and right to emphasise just how shameful it was. 'We haven't got any cereal at all because _someone_ \-- '

Phil blinked, wide-eyed, and lifted his hands to defend against Dan's camera-attack. 'Hey, what, _ahhh_ , no -- '

' -- ate all the cereal and forgot to do the shopping!'

'I'm innocent, I'm sorry,' said Phil. His tongue poked out.

Dan raised the camera over his head and glared at Phil. 'Ugh, don't act cute when I'm trying to be cross with you.' He turned around in a circle, the kitchen blurring by. 'Hm, we could have a salad for breakfast, I suppose. What are we eating, Phil?'

'Ta-daaah!' Phil brandished a plate from the counter behind him, holding it up towards Dan like an offering. 'We are having a full English instead of our usual cereal.'

Dan licked his lips and gave a smarmy grin. 'Hmmm, I can almost taste the heart disease.'

 

 

Dan was on his mobile, thumb swiping fast across the screen. Phil angled the camera so he was half in the shot, stood next to Dan on a busy pavement.

'So what are we doing today, Dan?'

Dan quickly glanced up at the camera, then at Phil before pocketing his phone. ' _Exciting_ things, Phil.'

'Would you care to elaborate?'

'If they haven't figured it out from the video title yet -- '

Phil prodded Dan with a finger to the clavicle, face scrunched up. Dan laughed and shook him away. 'Fine! So, people of the internet, today me and Phil -- oh get over it! -- are going to look at the last two places we're thinking of buying and then later -- '

'We're dropping by the pet shop!' Phil burst out excitedly, bouncing on his feet.

' -- dropping by the -- well, okay, there you go, Phil's spoiled it.'

Phil made a small fist and pumped it in victory. 'Yes!'

'All of our dreams are coming true,' said Dan, heavy on the sarcasm, but his dimple deepened when he looked at Phil. 'Sorry, guys, but protocol states we can't film on the way to the houses or you'd, like, stalk us forever. Goodbye!'

'Bye! We're getting a dog!' Phil chimed brightly as Dan reached for the camera.

 

 

'We're making a quick stop because we were hungry and I fancied a pasty,' came Dan's voice as Phil queued up for the till. He glanced over his shoulder at Dan, made a surprised face when he saw Dan was filming, and gave a small wave.

 

 

They were stood in front of a large, rectangular mirror in a hallway. Dan held the camera and he nudged Phil with his shoulder. 'Say hi to future us, Phil.'

Phil crossed his eyes and then laughed, breathy. 'Wotcher, future Dan and Phil, I hope you haven't killed yourselves in the new house yet.'

' _Yet?_ Are you expecting future us to eventually die in our new house? And please never say wotcher ever again unless you plan on dyeing your hair pink.'

Phil shrugged. 'So many things can go wrong in an alien environment, Dan. We might not even survive the move.'

Dan pointed the camera at his own face long enough to say, 'There you have it, guys: if you don't hear from us a day after we move in, just think that we got in a horrible accident and are dead.'

'So, so dead. Please take care of my house plants, Louise!'

 

 

'Check out that crown moulding, guys,' said Phil admiringly, zooming in on the wall. 'I like the -- what did our estate agent call it -- rail design.'

'Phil!'

'Oh, oops, got left behind admiring the crown moulding. Yeah, Dan!' Phil called out as he hurried to the next room where Dan and the estate agent were. It was bare with the lightest grey paint on the walls. The flooring was hardwood. There were two large windows showing a line of treetops and the silhouette of a building. The sky was optimistically blue.

'Did you get lost?' asked Dan when Phil turned towards him. He looked amused, eyebrow arched.

'I was just showing them the crown moulding,' said Phil.

'An important feature in every home.'

'This room is nice. It's huge and the light is pretty good.'

'I know, right? This one's on the second floor, too, so we can either turn it into an office or the gaming room. What do you reckon?'

'I like it. I could put a potted plant overrrrrr,' Phil pivoted around and pointed at a corner near the west window, 'there.' He swung back towards Dan. 'Right?'

'Well, if you're already decorating,' said Dan teasingly. He looked at the estate agent who was mostly out of sight of the camera, except for his shoes. 'How large is this house again?'

'Uh, 160 square metres, thereabouts. Four floors with four bedrooms and, uh, the stainless steel kitchen leading to the spacious garden.'

'From three floors to four floors,' said Dan.

'That's our daily exercise sorted, then. Remember the one we saw where it was too short? I kept waiting to bump my head on the doorframe.'

Dan made a face and pointed accusingly. 'I mean, that would probably be the sort of content you guys would like but I'd rather not risk A&E every single day.' He looked around the room, hands on his hips. 'I like this, though.'

 

 

Dan was crouched in front of the white fireplace, looking up through the opening. 'It's real, Philip! I can see Santa's ass.'

'A little bit early, it's only June,' said Phil as he knelt slightly behind Dan and adjusted the angle so he could take in Dan's bright grin.

 

 

Phil ran around the naked garden and Dan laughed, the camera trembling with his mirth as he followed Phil's meandering skip and hop.

'I'm going to grow a forest back here,' Phil called out to him, sweeping an arm up and down.

Dan approached him, footsteps crunching on the dried grass, and brought the camera up to his face, then to Phil's beaming one. 'And we never saw Phil Lester ever again. That's what should be written on your tombstone.'

'He died with his plants, the only thing he loved,' recited Phil.

'Accurate,' said Dan, deadpan. Phil huffed and poked him in the side. Dan squirmed away. 'Stop poking me, you dork. I do not consent.'

Phil made a grab for Dan with a growling sound --

 

 

The bus jerked to a stop as a passenger got out. Phil moved the camera away from the windows and faced Dan. 

'Thoughts on choice number one?'

Dan, who was looking up at Phil, glanced at the camera. 'Did you love the yellow paint on the kitchen cupboards?'

'Not really. It looked like a banana was sick all over it.'

'Cheers, Phil. I was thinking we might paint it a different colour.'

'Yeah. Something light because the rest of the kitchen was already dark grey -- '

' -- a colour scheme I wholeheartedly appreciate.'

Phil reached out and touched Dan's black button-down. 'Fits your aesthetic. Gloomy cookery. Anyway, I really, really liked the garden and the brick walls. And the four bedrooms.'

'Our guests won't have to sleep in the gaming room anymore,' Dan pointed out. His grip tightened around the railing. He angled his head to the side. 'If we turn that room on the second floor into our gaming room, then that one bedroom on the third floor with the en-suite -- '

Phil stretched out his hand to capture his face and the slight smile curling his lips. 'Maybe.'

 

 

'The question is do you want a house or a flat?' asked Phil as he walked on Dan's right, angling the camera towards him.

Dan licked his lips and looked at Phil, expression thoughtful.

'We'd own it anyway, so it doesn't matter if it's a house or flat. It will still be ours.' Dan shrugged, pushing his hands into his pocket.

'Yeah,' said Phil softly. 'But do you have a preference?'

Dan snorted. 'A house seems a lot more, I don't know, final? Like, yeah, you own a house now, congratulations, you're responsible adults with a mortgage and you're ready for the next chapter in your lives. Unless we decide to move away, we'll probably be there _forever_.' He snuck a glance sideways and rolled his eyes. 'Wow, way to turn the mood serious, Phil.'

'I was just asking! And for the record, I do want to live in a house with a garden and garage even if we never drive a car. And no more neighbours drilling all the time!'

'Adulting,' said Dan, gesturing sharply with his hand. 'We don't want drilling neighbours who are obsessed with DIY.'

 

 

'Hello, delicious lunch,' said Dan to the plate of chicken and vegetables in front of him, 'please enter through my mouth right now.'

Phil shook with laughter across from him.

 

 

The flat was all on one floor, with wide open spaces and floor-to-ceiling windows that offered a nearly panoramic view of London and the Thames in the afternoon.

'It's so bright,' said Phil as he turned around in a slow circle. 'We loved that about this one, right, Dan?'

'Yeah, except these columns are bloody distracting.' Dan went over to one of the columns and rapped his knuckles against it. 'And the river is right _there_ but it doesn't offer much privacy, though.'

'Will the people on boats see me walking around starkers?' Phil asked philosophically as he adjusted his glasses with his free hand. He swung the camera towards his face before going back to Dan, who was rounding the wall that separated the kitchen and the living room. Phil followed after him.

'This kitchen and the one we saw earlier are both brilliant,' commented Dan, pointing to the shiny hob and oven. Estate Agent's shoes peeked from across them. 'Is this a sign that we should make a baking channel?' Dan winked at the camera.

'Stay tuned,' said Phil cheerfully.

 

 

'This is a compromising situation,' said Dan.

Phil giggled behind his hand.

'We've somehow managed to lock ourselves in the cupboard. You can't really see us because there's no light, so what are we doing, do you reckon?'

'Please don't give them false reasons to write the cupboard fic. And please don't write the cupboard fic for them, Danny.'

'Have you tried the doorknob again?'

'Yes, it's still locked.'

'Of course it is, it won't magically unlock itself with a key.'

'Shall we scream for help?'

'That's it, we're going to die here and reports of the circumstances of our death will be exaggerated and humiliating -- ouch, Phil, that was my fucking foot!'

'Sorry, sorry, I didn't see it.' Phil paused and then snickered.

'I swear to God, Phil.'

'Okay, no puns. If you guys are wondering why Bill, our estate agent, isn't letting us out -- '

'It's because we've been very, very naughty -- '

' -- it's because someone was ringing him and he went outside on the balcony to answer it. So, Bill, if you're watching this in the future, thanks for getting us out and I hope you didn't take ages on that phone call.'

'Poor manners, if you ask me.'

'Hey, Dan.'

'Oh God, I know that tone.'

'Dan, Dan.'

'Stop poking -- fucking what, Phil?'

'You know how we're in a literal _closet_ right now -- '

'Fuck off!'

Phil laughed in delight.

 

 

'Well, _that_ was a harrowing experience I never want to repeat ever again in my entire life,' said Dan as he blinked in the light.

'Light! Light!' exclaimed Phil, tongue peeking from the corner of his smile. He pointed the camera towards the windows and sighed. 'The sunset will be fantastic here.'

 

 

Phil crouched in front of the shop window, eyes wide and mouth in an "o" shape as he stared at the puppies climbing over each other to greet him. Dan laughed under his breath and waved him inside. Phil nodded and placed his hands on his knees as he stood up.

'Excuse me,' someone said behind Dan, and Dan looked over his shoulder. Phil was coming in through the door, pushing his fringe sideways. 'You can't film in here, please put the camera away.'

'Oh -- '

 

 

'Well, second happiest day of my life and you guys didn't get to see it,' said Phil, frowning softly, then his expression brightened as he gestured wildly with his free hand, 'but it was incredible! I wanted to take all of them home.'

'He's being serious,' said Dan, looking both sides of the street before crossing the road, Phil in tow. 'Phil almost smuggled a Shih Tzu inside his shirt.'

'They're _so_ tiny and sweet,' cooed Phil, starry-eyed, positioning his thumb and forefinger close together to show how small they were.

'And smell like shit.'

'Dan was very enamoured with all of them, he was incredibly wholesome. I have pictorial evidence.'

'I'm scared that if we get a small dog we might step on it. We're giants, Phil.'

'I could cuddle a bigger-sized dog like a pillow.' The pavement flashed by as the camera switched hands. Phil demonstrated how he'd hug his dog, along with playful woofing. 'I'm so excited!'

'So you've said a million times,' but foneness made Dan smile the way he did, small and delicate, his dimple just peeking out. It happened in a single moment amidst the swelling afternoon rush, with Phil looking up at him those few inch and a half. Then, Dan looked away but the edge of his smile was still visible.

 

 

The front hallway was dark as Phil closed the door. Dan reached for the light switch and let Phil go up the stairs first. Phil was carrying a paper bag in one hand and a Waitrose shopping bag in the other. The rattling of keys, crinkling of paper and plastic, and footsteps signaled they were home. 

 

 

'My feet hurts. Physical activity is horrendous,' said Dan where he was folded into his sofa crease, legs curled up where the camera was perched on, tilted down to capture the knobs of his knees and Phil sat on the floor taking out cartons of Chinese takeaway from the paper bag. 'The outdoors is overrated. Indoors is better in every way.'

Sniggering, Phil stuck a pair of chopsticks into a carton and handed it to Dan. He picked up his own takeaway and dug in with loud chomping noises.

'It was a rather productive day,' said Phil, popping a roll into his mouth. He chewed slowly and then swallowed. 'We went for a final look at the house and flat, then we dropped by the pet shop!!! Oh, and stopped for groceries. Look who has boxes of glorious, unopened cereal!' Phil reached for the Waitrose bag and dragged it towards him. A box of chocolate Weetabix peeked out from the top.

'They should remain unopened until tomorrow morning, do you hear me, Phil?'

'Yes, mum.'

'I don't trust your face.'

'People say I have an inherently trustworthy face.'

'It lies all the time. AmazingPhil has been duping people since 2007. You should rebrand back to your original brand, you lying liar who lies.'

'Do you reckon I can still pull off the longer hair?' Phil bent forward towards the camera to fiddle with his fringe. He made a face and chuckled.

'What, change your emo hairstyle to an even more emo hairstyle?'

'Yeah.'

'No.'

'Oh, okay. We still have to choose where to live or we'll be homeless next month.'

'The new Dan and Phil adventure! Here, Phil, you better take this or I'll end up with lo mien all over the sofa.'

Phil reached for the camera, showing a glimpse of double chins and nostrils and a strip of the ceiling. He adjusted his grip just as he dropped a dumpling into Dan's takeaway container.

 

 

'I forgot to water my plants today so I'm doing it now. Is it bad to feed them at night?' Phil made a questioning face and then pointed the camera at the large plant in the corner of the hallway. 'I'm sorry I forgot about you, lovely.' Phil gave a breathy giggle. 'I promise I won't do the same thing to my dog, you guys.'

 

 

'Daaaaaan! Dan!'

'What?' Dan poked his head out of a bedroom. The bed behind him had checked sheets and then Dan stuck more of his torso through the doorway, blocking the view.

'There you are. I want the house.'

Dan's face slowly lifted into a beaming grin, his cheeks blatantly pink even under the horrible light. ' _I_ want the house.'

'Oh, that's good, for a moment I had thought we'd lost our mind-meld. Do you want to watch a film?

 

 

Dan and Phil sat side by side, and Dan swallowed the rest of his laughter as Phil waved. They were in pyjamas, black and blue.

'So, that was it. Whew, what a day.'

'I'll probably not go out again until we actually have to move into the house,' said Dan. 'I mean, you'll have to drag me kicking and screaming from our apartment, Phil. Change is scary.'

'But inevitable and oftentimes good,' said Phil, flashing Dan a small smile.

'I guess.' The corner of Dan's mouth curled as he looked around the lounge. 'Oh God, I'm getting all maudlin. Phil, inject me with your sunshine positivity!'

'Phwah!' Phil darted forward until their faces were very close and then Phil poked Dan in the dimple. 'There.'

'Ugh, you spork. Get away from me.' Dan shoved Phil away and Phil tumbled to the floor, his socked foot flailing in the air. Dan rolled his eyes at the camera. 'So this concludes another day in the life of Dan and Phil. Don't we lead thrilling lives?'

Phil pushed himself up on his elbows. 'I think we have a pretty good life, Dan.'

'Of course you do.' He grabbed a handful of Phil's shirtsleeve and tugged him back up. The neckline stretched and bared one side of Phil's shoulder and collarbone. There was a teeny tiny bruise on the ridge of it.

Phil straightened his pyjama top. 'I hope you had fun with us. If you did, please give this video a thumbs up -- '

'Oi, you nearly blinded me with your thumb!'

' -- and you can click here to subscribe to me, and click Mr Grumpy Pants over here to subscribe to -- '

' -- Quality content 24/7 -- '

'And we'll see you next time!'

Dan picked up the DVD case on the floor and held it up. 'Since we're going to watch Your Name because we finally got the BluRay.'

'It's so beautiful,' said Phil, stroking a finger down the case.

'Phil, stop molesting the best anime film of all time and prepare the tissues.'

'Oh no, Dan, we forgot to buy tissues!'

 

 

 

 

 

(Deleted scene)

Dan and Phil were at a Starbucks, Phil on a comfy chair with his mobile in his hands. They were sat by the huge glass window, showing a softer London bathed in a dusky-pastel glow. Phil grabbed his iced Caramel Macchiato with _AmazingPhil_ and a smiley face written on the side and took a sip. The background chatter was muted until a sharp laugh cut through. Phil glanced up at the sound. He gave a small smile when he caught Dan's gaze.

'Chai latte for Dan Lester!'

'Oh my _fucking_ God, Phil!' Dan screeched, and Phil's sly, laughing face tumbled out of view as Dan dropped the camera on the seat and leapt to his feet like he was on fire.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please show some love if you enjoyed this, I love love :) 
> 
> Come and hang out with me at clarespace.tumblr.com 
> 
> The thing I was going with this was that it was like you were watching the video but in word form, if that makes sense? So it's not actually them filming the dilf but you watching them. And who noticed the tags are like YouTube comments? Haha I am so lame sorry for my life


End file.
